It has been too long since I updated and so very much has happened. I'm not going to go into minutia. It makes sense to pick up here and move forward while summarizing what has led to this day and this point in my life, Todd's life, the boys' lives, and our family life.
Blogging is something that I think is a treasure and an important way to spend time. It is a record or journal of our lives through the eyes of someone in the middle of it all. Blogging is a legacy and an opportunity to give and to receive, an opportunity to teach and to learn, and an opportunity to risk and, subsequently, to grow. I haven't been awesome about it, but the template is a starting point. Whether I come back to the start several times (as seems to be the case) or one time, doesn't really matter. It is viable each and every time and I am grateful that you are willing to share it with me. It seems to be something that is infinitely valuable whether anyone else enjoys it or not...because it is a record that I keep and get to partake of, and maybe someday, it will serve those I have brought to be on this earth. Either way, I am glad to be back at it today, it is nice...sort of like sinking into a warm bath at the end of a long and productive day.
I feel that this past year has been so productive. We have been so busy with so many things. As we are. It is our nature. None of us holds still for very long. I would love to blame the seemingly endless vaults of energy in our children on their father but I have to admit, I am a busy-body of the first order. Last May we were coaching baseball (Todd, myself, AND my Dad) for Jeffrey and Jackson and we had a great time and learned a lot. We got Jackson ready for "real" baseball this year and Jeff knows he needs to prepare to pitch because he'll be going into "kid pitch" this spring with the 4th grade league. I, however, will not be his coach as I am going to be having another baby this May...our first girl. We are so excited and I admit that I didn't know how much I really WANTED a girl until I found I was having one.
There is something fulfilling about knowing that I will have the opportunity to participate in the uniqueness of being a "boy mom" as well as a "girl mom". I love my boys and the rough and tumble ways they go through life. Everything is physical and loud and active! It is an invigorating way to live and not a moment is lost on half-way. These boys teach me to go with what feels good and to revel in life's small victories rather than get caught up in how I am "feeling" all of the time. They seem to have a perfect balance on experiencing everything and when I stop them to ask them how they "feel" about things, they have an answer for me every time. Jackson has broken his arm again. It's the other one this time (his left). That's three broken bones for Jackie-Mack and he has told me that he "hates having a broken arm" and that I "shouldn't have let [him] go outside to play". I know, however, that some lessons are learned "the hard way" and that Jackson, Jeffrey, and two other boys from the neighborhood have an opportunity to learn from this. Not only can they learn what games to play and which ones NOT to play on the trampoline, but they can also learn how to behave when one of their own is hurt and needs extra help. Jackson, in the meantime, is frustrated with one less arm and the prospect of 5 more weeks in that position. Patience is a virtue and I can gladly say that the whole thing seems to have cured him of thumb-sucking for good. Hallelujah! My boys...ever physical and ever ready (maybe I should say Eveready).
Back to the girl thing...I was starting to wonder if I was ever going to have someone to give my wedding dress to. Who would I coach and mentor on pregnancy, cooking, housekeeping, husband training? I know I have things to offer my boys, and I know that they lie mainly in the realm of "good habits learned from mom" like pulling the shower curtain shut to dry, putting dirty clothes IN the laundry basket, and putting dirty dishes right into the dishwasher. I, however, am not stupid. I realize that one day they will all have wives and while their wives will never know and will never "have" what I have with each of them as their mother and giver of life; I will never "have" what their wives will have with them and the only way I will ever be able to participate in their lives, once they have wives, will be if she lets me. That means that Priority #1 when they meet "the one" is to respect her and make friends. Otherwise, I will be pushed out, excluded, and doomed to watch from the sidelines. That is terrifying, especially since one lesson I've learned so far is that I can't control other people or the choices that they make. Will I get to participate in the wedding? What about the pregnancies and child births? What about the grandchildren? It's all up to her...
But NOW I get to have a GIRL! I am going to be MOM! That's mom the Role Model. Mom The Source. Mom, the one who "did it with me and will teach me how to do it too". I know this because I have a mom who is just such a Mom. My mom has been so great to teach me all of the above and more. A reliable and honest resource who has "been there, done that" and wants nothing more than for me to succeed and for my marriage to win and for my children to be happy, well-adjusted, contributing human beings. My Mom has been more than welcome in all my bridal preparations, my fittings, my photos, my decisions. My Mom has been in all of my delivery and postpartum rooms and is one of the very first to hold each child I give birth to, for as long as she wants. My Mom gives me advice about my head-strong husband from a place of love, about my children's overwhelmed teachers, and my fears when there is vomiting and high fevers late at night. These are the things that girls call Mom about...not always boys. In fact, not often boys...they don't need to, their wife has a Mom. So now, I shall become Mom. This May. I am SOOO excited! She will be born sometime between birthdays. Lily's birthday on May 12 and Rick's birthday on May 21. She will be a birthday present due (but not born) on her Daddy's birthday and she will, I have no doubt, run the show around here. Jeff and Jackson are SOOO excited. They can't WAIT to have a little sister and I can see (because of age differences and pure cuteness) bonnets, tiaras, and tea parties in their futures. I am sure that Logan will have some immunity to this cuteness since, at just over 27 months he will still be sporting a very healthy dose of his own toddler cuteness when she is born. I do know, however, the power women have over men and I fear that in some ways, I will be the only strength in this home at times. As for names, we have chosen one and I have let it slip to some of you. If you know it, great...if not, you'll find out.
Jeff turned 10 in December and is amazing to watch. He is super tall, super lean, and super smart. He is testing for an accelerated learning program this next month and will be accepted into a gifted and talented school this fall. He will be changing schools and friends but he isn't worried. He is so gregarious and confident that a change like that isn't a big deal because, as he says, "home doesn't change and that's what really needs to stay the same". He is a ton of help around the house and often provides peace and quiet when his brothers would rather fire it up. I appreciate his influence, when he decides for it to be positive. When Jeff decides to be wild however, I am nearly at his mercy. I have to remove everyone from the situation and create a new moment. That is his sway with his brothers and he will either lead them to Heaven or to Hell. He's a good boy, so I'm pretty sure it will be Heaven, but there may be some rest stops along the way...
I am in love with him.
We lost a few cats this year. One to FIP, a nasty disease that ruined her liver and gave her not much of a chance. The other isn't necessarily dead but could be...he's at least on walkabout...we hope to see him again soon. We still have Levi who is needy and cute and mousing away. Bless him. We lost a chicken as well. I'm not sure if she was sick, old, or too cold or if they just hauled off and chicken-massacred her. Chickens are evil and violent creatures...you never know when they'll turn on you. Be mindful of turning your back on chickens. They are stupid and slow but they are NOT innocent. Our dogs are still faring well. Quincy has some unknown "mass" in his chest but it doesn't seem to be bothering him and the fact that he is old and arthritic releases him from a "workup". We figure he's earned a quality of life in his old age and that we'll take what we can get and provide him with a humane ending when it is time. Heck, it could be something he's always had so it may not be anything that will bother him ever...but now we know about it and so we treasure every day with our dear "first born child" Quinn. Daisy is going strong and mentoring our current foster dog "Maggie" who is looking for a forever home. If you find yourself needing a spunky and sweet golden...here she is!
The horses, goats, and other critters are all just fine and dandy. We may add a "younger" horse to the herd this summer, but it's way too soon to even chat about that.
Todd's still working at the A-10 Depot support on Hill AFB and is happy as a clam. I'm still placing veterinarians when I have time, managing the Cub Scout Bear den in our ward, and managing this family's crazy schedule. Jeff played football again this year with Todd and my Dad as his coaches. Their team was the 3A region champions and lost in the semi-final game before the bowl game for their age group. Jeffrey played serious-scary linebacker again and added tailback to his resume. He had touchdowns this year from returned kick offs as well as from caught passes. It was a wonderful season...
Both Jackson and Jeffrey wrestled this winter and had a great time. They were invited to participate in the "invitation only Freestyle club" at Fremont High school but we decided we all needed a break in the action. As I said, sports will pick up again this late April/early May with baseball.
Logan is growing by leaps and bounds. Fully two years old now, he is indomitable and a complete contributor to rabble-rousing and wrestling by sneak attack. He "hurts" his brothers often now, they are finding that rough begets rough and that after he has his howl and his "kiss better" he's coming back to deliver paybacks. He is scary-smart and so we've decided he needs to potty train before his sister comes. We'll see how it goes. He makes all kinds of connections in every single thing and recognizes all kinds of relationships between parts A and B. He regularly amazes me. Every single time he is present at an ultrasound or sees an ultrasound picture he says, in a tiny little baby voice, "So cute! So, so cute!" and yesterday, as we saw our baby girl yet again on ultrasound, he said, "That's just crazy." I'm not sure he gets what he's saying but why else would he say it? It amazes me. He totally high-jacked Family Home Evening earlier this week. As Todd got up to finish our meeting and close the lesson, he got up and stood next to him, folding his arms, and mumbling every time Todd tried to talk. Occasionally he'd yell a legible word like "Pray!" or "Jesus!" and there were lots of throat-clearing noises punctuated with "Ummm". I was crying I was laughing so hard. What a kick. His second birthday was so much fun. We kept it sort of mellow but it was just right and he was SURE he was king for the day...we had no problem celebrating his life. He is a blessing to all of us.
Our lives are full of minutia and details that are so important each and every day but that would take forever to tell, so I will leave it out for now. I am sure that any blanks will be filled as I take this on again and again. I do so hope that this isn't a "false start" and that I continue rather than stop and start again. I don't even really feel like my brain belongs to me right now...this girl is the boss of most everything that isn't already spoken for. I am not willing to make any promises.
Life is so full of so much. I am amazed at how full every single day is. Not just "stuff to do" either. So much emotion, so much up and down, so many blessings, wins, triumphs, and victories and so many losses, sadnesses, concerns, and worries. Everywhere there are lessons. Everywhere there is some way to push harder, face-up, become better, grow, and pursue. It is never-ending. In fact, I find, that even though I am tempted to avoid "reality" and resist the not-so-nice lessons and experiences of life...they are worth it. With numbness to the "bad news" comes missing out on the good and it is not worth numbness to miss the amazing things Logan does and says every single day. Nor is it worth helping Jeffrey rank up in Scouts or read at an 8th grade level or master long division. Nor is it worth the random and periodical opportunities Jackson gives me to "snuggle" or the chances I have to listen to him read big words he didn't know last week and answer questions he has about nature and biology. I hate debt and frustration and emotional let downs. I don't like being used and abused or watching my loved ones go through the same. I dislike worrying, hardship, and sore hips and backs...but such is life and with it, exquisite learning, love and growth. Thank God for all of it...
