Mid-March, our 9 year old Golden Retriever Saffron was looking at 3 months of fighting sores on her skin that just weren’t healing. I was realizing that the “beginning of the end” had arrived and that I needed to watch her closely. I was afraid, but I’m not 100% sure, that her chronic hystiocytes had become cancerous and thus would not heal. However, she was still happy, still eating, and still, ultimately, Saffy. We decided that we would just take things one day at a time and that we would enjoy every minute we had with her until we knew it was time to let her go. After about a week and a half, Saffron started to avoid eating. She snorted and snuffled and wasn’t breathing easily through her nose anymore. Mouth breathing isn’t really an option for dogs. You probably think dogs mouth-breathe because they pant, but they don’t. For dogs, panting isn’t breathing, it’s air conditioning. We knew she wasn’t doing well. I tried a new round of antibiotics and beefed up her steroids but it wasn’t helping. We knew we needed to ready to let her go and then, she tanked in two days. Todd and I looked up and realized it was time. We made the decision and she was gone in 2 hours. It was so fast. While we’d been building up to it for a week and even, if you consider her illness, 7 years, it was very sudden. All of our plans went on hold. Everything got dropped.
Those of you who know me well know that the loss of one of my dogs feels the way I imagine it would feel to lose a child. I don’t mean to diminish the pain of losing of a child. I can’t even imagine losing one of mine. I don’t know what to say to explain, I can’t really, except that it is losing a member of the family. I love my dogs SO MUCH. They are so important to me. Saffron had been a member of our family since 3 months before we had Jeffrey! She was a long-timer. We would miss her dearly. However, I have told myself, life goes on. But I was having a hard time getting my crap together. I couldn’t seem to remember the errands I had to run. People who wanted to buy eggs were put off and forgotten, family was ignored, I wasn’t sleeping.Meanwhile, my dear brother Jeff and sister in-law Jen are expecting their first and long-awaited baby girl on May 15th. This baby is to be celebrated after a long and painful infertility period of 6+ years and then successful invitro fertilization treatment last August. In my excitement to celebrate her arrival, I was preparing for her shower by making her burp cloths and hooded towels. I also found the cutest blanket sleeper on my friend, Jana’s website, which is babysteals.com. Jana and I went to high school together. I am so proud of what she has created! I didn’t really find it until about 6 months ago when I reconnected with her and, until recently, haven’t really seen anything that I NEEDED to “steal”. However, with the impending birth of this baby girl Solomon, her haute parents with their impeccable taste, and my love of blanket sleepers, babysteals.com saved the day! I was able to “steal” the cutest pink and brown polka dotted blanket sleeper (regularly $40 or something, only $13.50 on babysteals.com) to add to my homemade gifts for the April 4th shower.
I had managed to keep my “steal” even more criminally inexpensive by opting for “pick up”, thus avoiding shipping and being able to set up the opportunity to see, if not Jana, then her husband (also a high school friend) Eric by going by his office to pick up my adorable blanket sleeper gift. I had set it up with them via Facebook and was set to pick it up on March 25th, a Wednesday.
As it worked out, that was the day we had to put our Saffy dog down. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t even remember I was supposed to. The shower was quickly approaching; I didn’t have time to screw around. I couldn’t imagine not having that blanket sleeper but I also couldn’t seem to get myself together for another trip to Salt Lake before the shower.
The evening of March 25th, we got home from our trip to let go of Saffron and cried and cried. We fed the kids, put them to bed, and I settled down in front of the computer to check my email and my Facebook. Distraction computerized. I mentioned, in my status on Facebook, that I had put my dog down and, almost immediately, received so many loving thoughts and condolences from friends and family. I guess more people know about my “animal ways” than I had previously thought. I was so comforted.
One such message was from Eric Francis, my friend Jana’s husband. Jana of “Babysteals Mom” fame. Eric mentioned that he wondered where I was; he was going to message me to ask and, when he got online, he saw that I had put my dog down earlier in the day. He mentioned that he and Jana have a Golden Retriever like my Saffy and that he couldn’t imagine how sad he and his family would be if they had to say goodbye to their family pal. He mentioned what a good playmate their dog is and how their kids love him so much. I was tearing up all over again. Eric said that he knew we must be so sad and so overwhelmed. He said that he and Jana decided that I didn’t need to bother coming to get my blanket sleeper. That the least they could do to support me was to send it to me, free of charge, and that they hoped that it would help a little at such a sad time. I was so touched! How thoughtful that these, my friends from high school that I had connected with sporadically off and on, and had been so ingenious as to devise a business that brings beautiful quality baby items to needy moms worldwide at a “steal”, would remember our roots and reach out to me and make an effort that, while not very business-wise, was very heart-wise and would help me and my family at such a sad time. It may seem small, but it isn’t. It made all the difference and managed to extract even more tears.
I got my blanket sleeper two days later and opened it up to find the cutest item EVER! I wrapped it up with my homemade hooded towels and burp cloths and took it to the shower. It was a hit! In fact, my SIL Jen was telling me just last night that she thinks it will be a great thing for the baby to ride home from the hospital in. Not too much, not too little for spring weather, just right! Among the other things people did for us in our grief were to send lots of loving messages and phone calls, a bouquet of a dozen colorful roses, and some handmade frames for the boys to put her picture in so that they will always remember her.
I picked up Saffy's ashes a few days ago. The tears flowed again so freely as I thought about how we’ve missed her spirit these past weeks and how it is amazing that her once bouncy and beautifully red body fit into such a small box. We will never forget her. In her memory, we now open her “spot” in the family to foster golden retrievers who are looking to be adopted through Utah’s Companion Golden Retriever Rescue. A week after sending Saffron over “Rainbow Bridge” we took in “Roxy” who is a 10 year old Golden with more spunk than most puppies have. She is learning rules, getting lots of love, and waiting for her forever family. When we find a home for her, we will take in another, and another, always filling Saffron’s “spot” with compassion, love, and patience for a dog who didn’t have the family that Saffron got to have until we are able to find one who does.
I am so grateful for the Francis’ love and compassion to help me get my “steal” on time for the shower despite the sadness I was experiencing. I realize that it really doesn’t seem like much but it is something I will always remember. I also find that I am more eager to learn about the daily steal now. Maybe in hopes of being able to give back to them by supporting their business while keeping the babies in my life outfitted and supplied with the best items available to steal on the web every day at 9:00 am MST. Check it out, http://www.babysteals.com/Happy birthday Babysteals.com and thanks to Eric and Jana for being great, compassionate, and understanding friends at such a sad time in our lives. May your Golden Retriever have lots of years left to romp with the kids and shed in your home.
